Holy cow we have a real-life baby in our home

Look - there she is! Wow, this is crazy. Just so you know in advance, this post might be a little all over the place, because that's how my brain is working right now. Some thoughts on the baby, some random confessions...you know, all the good stuff.

I've had 2 1/2 weeks with our new daughter now. After the craziness of her birth, it was kind of nice to get out of the hospital and come home. But then we got home and I realized that we had to be responsible for her. There weren't any nurses that would come make everything better when we pushed a button. If she cried all night WE got to sit up and rock her. Seriously, how does anybody do this?? Who knew that after looking forward to leaving the hospital, I would soon wish we could be back there?

That first night actually went pretty well. Once we figured out where everyone was going to sleep, that is. We swaddled her and put her in her little sleeper that came with the pack 'n play. She looked happy, lying there and staring at the light. (This is what babies have in common with bugs. They like to stare at lights. That, and if you put them on their backs they get stuck and just lie there waving their arms and legs. When Aven does this, we just call it "Baby Tai Chi", because that's what it looks like she's doing.)  So she was lying there peacefully, which I should have taken advantage of, but I suddenly got really scared. What if she spit up and choked? I didn't know if Daryl would hear her and wake up, and with the c-section I couldn't just bound out of bed. Odds are, she would have been fine, but for me it was too much to handle. There were a lot of tears that night. Daryl was awesome. He just comforted me, and suggested that she sleep in bed with us. That turned out to be a great solution. She slept great that night, and so did we.

And that's the only time it's happened so far.

Ha, I'm serious. Kind of.

Oh, and then my husband had to go back to work Monday and went underway for 10 days. (Yay for the Coast Guard.) And my parents left yesterday, after being here for 3 weeks. It's just me and the baby, very suddenly it seems like.

I know all new moms probably feel this way and they all say "No one told me _____ (insert shocking realization of parenthood)". But seriously, no one told me so many of the things I feel like I should know! Or maybe they did, and I just didn't listen? Like, what are you supposed to do with the baby when you need to shower? Or more importantly, when you need to poop? Why do I feel guilty if I'm not constantly holding her? I know she's sleeping peacefully in her swing, but I feel like I should just be sitting and holding her. Why does she spit up so much? Do I not burp her enough?

There are some things that are kind of easy about having a baby. Changing diapers is easy. Except for when she shoots poop all over the couch. Breastfeeding is really pretty easy (even though I know this isn't true for everyone). Taking pictures of her and plastering them all over facebook is easy.

Then there's the realization I had this morning that I don't really want to deal with. I was sitting on the couch, missing Daryl. Okay, to be honest, crying a little bit. We could blame hormones, but I really do miss him. I was realizing how much I depend on him. I can't even reach the dishes on the top shelf of my kitchen cabinets without him. He always loads and empties the dishwasher when he's here. He's outgoing so I don't have to be. He pays the bills and keeps up with our bank statements. He takes out the trash and gets the mail. Wow, I really sound like I contribute so much to this relationship, don't I? At least I cook and feed the baby. But he changes all the diapers during the day when he's here. I change them at night.

Okay, moving on with what I realized. Or what God showed me, which is probably a more accurate description. I depend on my husband too much. Not necessarily for physical things, like help around the house, but for my emotional needs. If I'm sad, I know he will make me happy. I feel protected by him. He encourages me. Of course, I try to do all these things for him, too. But these things aren't his responsibility. I don't spend time with God often enough, but I always make time for my husband. I come very close to idolizing him. Yikes, that was really hard to type. I know that for our marriage to be solid, we both need to have God as our first priority. Some people won't understand this, I know. But if God's first, everything else will fall into place. By following His commandments we'll be in the right mindset to take care of each other. It will be easier to love each other.

I knew that moving up here would be a challenge, and I would have to depend on God more than I did in Kansas. Which is probably one of the reasons we did get stationed here. God is sneaky like that - He likes to teach us lessons and help us grow. That's not always super fun. Actually, it usually sucks, to be honest. But the result of growing in Him is that I am stronger, and hopefully a little bit wiser, and closer to Him. So even though I'm missing Daryl every day, I'm going to work on growing closer to God and depending on Him to comfort me. And then I'm going to be super happy to see Daryl when he gets back!

I told you this post was going to be a little bit of everything. And yes, I did have the sleeping baby on my lap the whole time. But she just had a poop explosion in her diaper, so I have to go take care of that now.

Birth Story

Finally, here is our darling girl's birth story! It's long, just like the labor.... But don't worry - it's not gross or gory or anything. :) Oh yeah, and pictures - you can't get enough of those! Scroll down to the bottom to see some of the latest ones.

Aven Faith’s due date was July 20^th. She decided she was nice and comfy inside Mommy, and didn’t want to come out that day. On Thursday, July 26^th at 1:00 pm we went to the doctor for our normal twice-weekly appointment. I had been being watched closely for some signs of mild pre-eclampsia, and had been told to rest while at home. At the doctor appointment, they did another non-stress test on the baby (which had been standard ever since the pre-eclampsia started), and checked my blood pressure. Baby Aven still looked good on the NST, but my blood pressure was very high. Our doctor, Dr. Roesel, decided to send me over to the hospital for the night so they could watch my blood pressure, then start an induction in the morning.

A bit overwhelmed that things were starting to happen so quickly, Daryl and I went home to get our hospital bags, and tell my parents, who had just flown in the night before. We rounded up our things and headed back to the hospital, feeling nervous, but excited about seeing our daughter the next day.

We checked into Sitka Community Hospital at 3:00 pm and got settled. They took blood from me and started an IV (just a saline lock), then inserted a Foley Bulb catheter into my uterus to help my cervix begin to dilate. That was not fun. Daryl went back home to pick up my parents, and they came back at 5:30. We ordered Chinese and ate it there in the hospital room. I could feel my contractions start to pick up a bit, which was exciting!

My parents took our car and went back to sleep at our house that night. Daryl and I stayed at the hospital. My contractions grew weaker and slowed down as the night went on, which was disappointing. We talked about how excited and nervous we were for the induction to start tomorrow. I remember asking Daryl what if I couldn’t do it without pain medication? (It had been my plan to have a natural, unmedicated birth – which was changing some already with the induction measures.) He reminded me that I was the strongest woman he knew, and he was sure I could do it. I appreciated his support, but was still a little nervous. I think my main concern was that the induction wouldn’t progress, and I would have to have a c-section, which I was really scared of.

I should mention that even though Daryl expressed his faith in me and how strong I was, there was no way I could have done this without him. He held my hand and let me squeeze his during contractions, rubbed my back and legs, let me lean against him, and did absolutely anything I asked immediately. He was an amazing support for me.

Friday morning came, and at 8:00 am I was checked to see how the Foley Bulb was working. It had done its job and I was dilated to 3 cm! At 9:00 am they started the Pitocin to induce labor. I was excited and nervous!

I labored all day on the Pitocin. At first, the contractions weren’t too strong or regular, but they slowly started to pick up in strength and frequency. I used my Hypnobirthing breathing techniques I had practiced, and was able to manage the pain fairly well. Since my blood pressure was up and I was on the Pitocin, I had to be constantly monitored, which meant staying in bed for the most part, lying on my left side.

At 6:30 that evening, Dr. Roesel came to check me again. My contractions, though building in strength, hadn’t developed a regular pattern, I hadn’t dilated any further, and the baby’s head hadn’t dropped. He talked about the possibility of stopping the Pitocin overnight so we could rest, and moving me to another room in the hospital so an incoming laboring woman could have the room we were in. (Did I mention that at the hospital we delivered at there was 1 labor and delivery room, 2 recovery rooms, and that weekend there happened to be 4 women delivering babies there?)

I was very frustrated and upset at the thought of having “wasted” a whole day. I felt like it wasn’t fair that I, who had been there over 24 hours already, got pushed to the side so someone else could come take my room and have their baby. There were a lot of tears at this point. The contractions also continued to get stronger, which didn’t help anything. The only good part of this time was that they let me get out of bed and sit and roll around on the birthing ball to try and help the baby drop.

At 9:00 pm, after delivering the first of 3 other babies, our doctor came back to check my progress. He was surprised to see that my contractions had developed into a nice pattern of coming 2-3 minutes apart, and I had dilated another centimeter and was now up to 4 cm! Since I was now in active labor, I wasn’t going to be moved anywhere (ha – take that, other preggo!). He broke my water to continue to help keep things moving along, which also made the contractions more intense, but they were now easier to manage since I knew I was working toward a baby that night! (I thought….)

At 10:30 the nurse came to turn off the Pitocin to see how my body would progress and handle labor on its own, as the doctor had ordered. (We found out the next morning that our doctor had cancelled his order to stop the Pitocin after seeing the progress I was making, but no one saw that order.) The contractions kept up in frequency for a bit, but then began to slowly spread apart, keeping up in intensity. At this point, I was thrilled to see Sharon, a woman we had talked to about being our doula and who was also a nurse, had been called in to help with the rush of babies. Since she knew us, she stayed in our room the better part of the night, encouraging us to rest and rubbing my feet. Daryl fell asleep around 1:00 am and I slept/rested in between contractions, which settled into a rhythm of 8 – 10 minutes apart.

8:00 Saturday morning came and Dr. Roesel showed up at the hospital, surprised he hadn’t received a call overnight. He checked me and found no change, so the Pitocin was started up again at 9:00 am. I was tired and dreading going through another day on Pitocin. I hoped things would progress faster this time.

I continued laboring through the contractions, which were again building in intensity (really – how much stronger could they get?) and slowly picking up in frequency. My blood pressure was high unless I did anything but lay on my left side, so that’s where I was confined all morning. I tried to find as many excuses as I could to use the bathroom, just so I could get out of bed and give my hip a rest. I noticed that when I happened to be up moving and had a contraction, it was much easier to manage. Lying still in bed did nothing to help the pain.

At 1:00 that afternoon, they began to talk about an epidural. I had reached 6 cm. By this point, exhausted and not sure how much longer I could continue lying on my left side, I was more than ready to accept the pain medication (which also wasn’t on my birth plan). By 1:30 the epidural, which I had been afraid of, was done. It hadn’t been as scary as I thought, and the pain from the contractions was slowly drifting away. It felt great!

My parents came into the room to see how things were going and were glad for the update after spending the night at the hospital not knowing anything. Shortly after, at 2:30 pm, Dr. Roesel came back to check me and found I was at 7 cm. However, Baby Aven’s heart rate began to drop during contractions – from the 140’s down to the 50’s – 80’s. This was incredible scary, as we could hear it on the monitors. She still had yet to drop any further down into my pelvis, and he decided it was time to get her out.

There was a rush of activity as everyone began prepping for the c-section. I was a little scared, but more scared of how she was doing inside me, so I wanted to get it over as quickly as possible. They discovered that my IV had gotten blocked up somehow, and had to start another one, which required 3 tries before they could find a vein they could stick. Finally everything was ready – I was wheeled into the operating room and Daryl followed shortly after. The sheet went up, the nurse anesthetist started the meds, and Daryl took his place by my head.

At 3:28 pm, Aven Faith was born! I heard them exclaim over how much hair she had, then I heard her beautiful first cries! I began crying myself, and couldn’t wait to see what she looked like. Daryl went over and took pictures as they cleaned her off, then brought her over to see me.

The rest of that day is a bit of a blur, as I was out of it from the surgery, but they finished fixing me up and sent me to recovery where I finally got to see and hold Aven at 5:00 pm. She nursed right away and was a pro at it, which was good considering I couldn’t do much to help her at that point. After a bit we got to go back to our room and my parents came in to hold her. She was a very quiet baby, and only cried that first night if she was transferred from person to person. She loved being held and snuggled by everyone.

We are so blessed to have a healthy daughter to hold and love. I can’t believe she’s finally here! Sometimes it felt like this day would never come… so I’m trying to enjoy every minute, even the sleepless ones! Thank you, God, for Aven!

Okay, so my apologies - this is the most recent picture I had on the computer. I'll upload more and post them soon!